He that has done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged. Benjamin Franklin.

A few months ago a solicitor was jailed for smuggling Class A drugs into jail; I remember the case because of the reported process of corruption: first she agreed to a few minor infractions – smuggling the odd packet of cigarettes. Eventually a line was crossed which led to imprisonment and ruin.

It’s an interesting psychological phenomenon: do someone a favour and somehow you seem to owe them another; DHH’s Vendoritus rant at European RailsConf was about that expectation.

One question is whether it is ever right to take advantage of this; it’s not an interesting question, though. The answer is no – not without repayment. Otherwise it eventually ends badly for both sides.

A better question is how do you avoid being on the other side? It’s about having enough self-esteem to walk away from inequitable relationships, and also paying enough attention to notice the inequities.

I can trace the problems I’m currently experiencing with a client to my earlier tolerance of late payments and acceptance of excuses; at least it’s a lesson learnt.